Tango Pinned Me Face-to-Face With Myself

When I met tango, it was love at first sight. I was enamored by the spirals and shapes, the organic embrace, its sophisticated simplicity, and perhaps most of all, the challenge it presented for me. You see, up until then, I had lived my life pretty independently. I asked no-one for permission, I had no debts. I did as I well pleased. As one of my friends put it: “A rolling stone gathers no moss.” I started teaching gymnastics as soon as I was old enough to work – literally on my 15^th birthday, I taught my first classes solo. After that, I dove into teaching 8^th grade at a school in which it was really up to each of us teachers to sort things out within our four walls, with little support from the administration. Then I took one year off that turned into many more to lead a volunteer project in Perú, travel like the wind blows, and find what I didn’t even know I was looking for: tango.

I continued my jet setting with tango as my inspiration and my book as my fuel. And tango remains a journey of discovery, as much inward as it is outward.

Tango presented such a challenge because it required me to be vulnerable. When I was so used to standing alone, to dance tango, I couldn’t take even one step by myself. So I dove in, eager to learn, soaking everything up like a sponge. And I soon realized that there was a disconnect between the patterns of steps people memorized in tango classes and the organic dance that unfolded as pairs who had been dancing for decades – the ones who moved together like one four-legged creature – walked their way down the dance floor. Most classes centered on a pattern really meant for the leads and the followers were told “just follow” and given some adornments to do with their feet. Basically, I ended up feeling like a ragdoll being tossed around as the “leaders” copied the pattern (with little regard for my positioning or presence) It felt little like the decadent, connected, fluid dances I had experienced. I wanted more of that. And it was evident I’d have to go searching for it.

My exploration of tango lead me to an exploration of the parallels to human dynamics and relationships in my own life – and a deep exploration of myself. It was so intense, I was compelled to write in order to process it. After all, the dance partners change one after the other; what remains constant and who tango pinned me face to face with is this girl right here.